Computer problems

I apologize for the lack of a post lately. I've had computer problems. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's true. I know that when I read someone is having computer problems and that's why something has not happened that was supposed to, I think, yah, right, how lazy can one person be. The reality is that both are true for me. Not only am I a bit lazy (okay more then a bit-- just give me a movie and some popcorn and there's no end to the time I will spend on the couch), but we did have computer problems. Our computer is our life link to the world. We have no television (I know, poor Mia) and we don't get the paper. So for us, we rely on our computer for everything, i.e. news, movies, games, mindless fluff. Knowing this makes it hard for me to actually think about what we have endured with our current computer. For starters, we have no battery in the computer. The battery died a long time ago and we've had to endure using the computer while plugged in. This isn't so much a problem if it were a stationary computer, but it's not. It's a laptop and therefore supposedly portable. Not ours, however. Ours will shut off with the very tiniest movement. We actually have it in a hermetically sealed bubble so the wind doesn't disturb it, lest the plug will come loose and all will be lost (all being the genius that is this post).

So last night, our computer situation got to the worst it's ever been. Not only was the plug coming loose, but movies were unwatchable due to skipping, dvd's were unplayable, and the power cord was dying. What else could go wrong? Could Jonah still not be sleeping? (check). Could I still not really be making any progress upstairs? (check). Could I still have to sleep on my side, pillow smooshed into a ball that makes a rock feel soft, with no covers above my waist and against a wall and nightstand in order to fit all my kids and wife in the bed with me? (check). Oh, yeah, we also didn't win the powerball, but had we, everyone who reads this blog would have gotten something (hard to say what, though). What went wrong was that the power cord died. Although, I do have to say it was my fault.

You know how you see a button and it says don't push? And you know how if you're a guy what that actually means is that you have to push it because every fiber of your being is yearning to see the catastrophe that will ensue? Well that was the situation with me. The power cord had died, but through some miracle, similar I suppose to Santa Claus fitting down chimmanys, Andrea was able to get it going again, for what I would soon learn was the last time. I started to back up the hard drive, but I just had to go and move the computer. The first move went okay (yes, that's right, I said first move, because if I could do it once, I sure as hell could do it again). I was able to angle the computer slightly better for me and therefore feel superior over the power cord Gods. But then I thought, this was not the best place to have the computer if I wanted to watch a movie, so I best move it back.

Here's where the sirens and alarms and other hideous noises should have gone off for me. Here's were I should have said, maybe enough's enough and I just got lucky with the one move. Maybe this was the opportunity, the only one, that the great computer deities were going to give me. But in fact I did not realize all this until . . .

oops . . .

DEAD!

Yup, I moved the computer, the power pack on the power cord fell from the mantle and that was all she wrote (by the way, why is it all SHE wrote? Have no men ever written the end of something? I'm willing to bet if you ask a woman, she will say that a man has in fact written the last of something. Case in point, my wife would most defiantly say she got the computer working and I killed it and in fact it was all he wrote).

The next several hours were spent trying to duplicate all the efforts that Andrea had made earlier to get the power cord back to working. I unplugged and plugged the cord into the wall more times then Mia makes trips to the candy bowl. I looked at the power cord, I mean really stared at it as if my evil eye (read: stink eye according to Mia) would somehow fill the inanimate plug with fear that if it did not turn on it's red light to indicate it was working I would do horrible things to its family. Still nothing. I even pretended to not care that the plug was not working and suddenly jump up and plug it in just to try to trick said inanimate plug. I continue to say inanimate plug just to convince you that I understand the plug cannot think for itself (although I actually think it can and it was out to get me which would be read: paranoia).

But in the end, the computer was dead and Andrea and I were sitting there staring at each other wondering, 'now what?'. There is never so much silence as there is when there's . . . silence.

(stage left we hear crickets chirping and we see sage brush blowing in the wind across the living room floor)

We always have the computer on. We are always doing something around the computer. The computer seems to be a part of everything we do. It's like it's one of the family. Examples: cooking dinner and we need the computer for recipes; pretending I'm going to work upstairs and I need to watch a video of Bob Villa doing the same job I want to do only he's better dressed and more successful at the project; go to sleep and I need the computer like Jonah needs a security blanket. But, there we were with nothing between us but the still August air. So you know what we did, nothing. We starred at one another. We wanted to talk, but didn't know about what. In the end we did some personality indicator work. We came up with a list of our top 5 values in life. My number one should have been a working computer, but that was not one of the choices offered. Instead, I came up with family. Yup, just like Mr. Cleaver, I smitten for my family.

Anyways, the end result is that we ordered a new computer and Andrea once again has fixed our power cord. Until next time when I will post a shorter story and more pictures. For now I'm off to snuggle with one of the loves of my life . . .