Life begins

It's been two days since we've been home from the hospital and I already have no idea what to do. Yes, I've had a child before and yes, I've been in this same position, but I am surprised to feel this way again. Shouldn't I feel differently after mastering it once? Shouldn't I feel like this is second nature? And what about him. Shouldn't he be completely bonded with me yet? Shouldn't he be more verbal and able to communicate what it is he wants? Shouldn't he be able to earn money to help subsidize his diaper habit?

However, it hasn't changed since Mia. And being a dad has not become any easier. I realize that I didn't give birth and that I didn't carry him for 10 months and that I didn't get sick or gain weight or have to buy clothes because my older, more attractive ones stopped fitting. But I did try to be part of the pregnancy. I did want to be involved. So, I was left to clean-up. Clean-up is an important part of life and especially during pregnancy. Really, who else will rub your feet, massage your back, put lotion on, cook, clean, and continue to say 'wow, you look wonderful' even though all you want to do is scream and shout and say 'you, you did this to me and now all you can do is sit there and look at me. Why don't you do something useful like jump off a bridge.'

But the down side of not being the person who carries life inside my belly is that there is not a lot of bonding going on. During the first pregnancy I never felt completely bonded until I started to feed Mia. This time isn't different. This time I have a 5.5 year old who I have to entertain and that leaves me less time to be with Jonah. I know I will get time in the future and this is only his fourth day in the world (and until I get breasts that produce milk, Andrea will be his number one), but it is still hard to wrap my mind around this and not be anxious. In the end I know my place and that is to support his big three habit: eat, sleep and poop (mostly my position is to take care of the last one).

I still haven't gotten fully use to his name. It's funny, that. I think Jonah is a rare enough name that I actually find it difficult to remember. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I have early dementia (although my wife my argue that point), it's just that I'm not use to saying it yet. I don't know what a Jonah looks like, but the name, to me, has an easy going quality to it. I sure hope it ends up being his way.

As for our family, it will never be the same again... and that's a good thing!

I hope this is not a glimpse at Jonah's future work ethic.

Mia looks older now. She looks bigger. I

My kids!